Today is the first day of school for my first baby, 5-year-old D (his birthday is Thursday – Happy Birthday D!). My feelings today have ranged from nervous excitement for him and this new adventure, to pride at what a big boy he is, to fear that he won’t fit in and will have to deal with big meanies, to sadness at how fast he’s growing up and the loss of my baby. It doesn’t feel like very long ago that I held him in my arms and rocked him to sleep, kissed his chubby cheeks, fingers and toes, and buried my nose in the intoxicating smell of the soft hair on his little head.
I blinked and now he’s 5, and school is starting – deep breath for this big step. It’s only the first of many big steps to come and it’s hard for my soft mommy’s heart to see him grow up so fast, and that’s ok. It’s ok because as much as this new beginning is wonderful and exciting, it’s also sad and I’m grieving because my baby is no longer a baby. My heart is full of pride for the person he is turning out to be but it’s also breaking for what has passed – and that deserves to be acknowledged and felt too. So no apologies here.
In honour of D’s first day of school I coloured Back to School Boy by the super talented Krista Smith at Saturated Canary. I love the big smile on his face. It reminds me that change is good and D’s going to be happy and that we’re all going to be ok – even mommy.
Skin: E000, E00, E21, E11, E04
Hair: E21, E25, E29
Shirt: YG91; YG95; YG97; YG99
Jeans: B91; B95; B99
Apple: R35; R37; R39