New Beginnings

Today is the first day of school for my first baby, 5-year-old D (his birthday is Thursday – Happy Birthday D!). My feelings today have ranged from nervous excitement for him and this new adventure, to pride at what a big boy he is, to fear that he won’t fit in and will have to deal with big meanies, to sadness at how fast he’s growing up and the loss of my baby. It doesn’t feel like very long ago that I held him in my arms and rocked him to sleep, kissed his chubby cheeks, fingers and toes, and buried my nose in the intoxicating smell of the soft hair on his little head.

I blinked and now he’s 5, and school is starting – deep breath for this big step. It’s only the first of many big steps to come and it’s hard for my soft mommy’s heart to see him grow up so fast, and that’s ok. It’s ok because as much as this new beginning is wonderful and exciting, it’s also sad and I’m grieving because my baby is no longer a baby. My heart is full of pride for the person he is turning out to be but it’s also breaking for what has passed – and that deserves to be acknowledged and felt too. So no apologies here.

In honour of D’s first day of school I coloured Back to School Boy by the super talented Krista Smith at Saturated Canary. I love the big smile on his face. It reminds me that change is good and D’s going to be happy and that we’re all going to be ok – even mommy.

Back-to-school Boy

Skin: E000, E00, E21, E11, E04

Hair: E21, E25, E29

Shirt: YG91; YG95; YG97; YG99

Jeans: B91; B95; B99

Apple: R35; R37; R39

EBee xox



Today begins D’s last week of daycare and next week he embarks on a new journey to school. Big news and I couldn’t be happier and I couldn’t be sadder…

My beginnings with D were rocky. A difficult delivery, sleep deprivation, trouble breast-feeding, and post-partum depression made the first few weeks after baby hellish (to say the least) and the first few months exhausting. The realization that life would never be the same hit me like a ton of bricks and I remember wanting my old life back. I loved my baby with all my heart and I would have protected him to the death, but still, life felt really, really hard and for a while I just couldn’t see the light.

With time and a lot of support from family and friends, the ratio of bitter to sweet began to change, with the “sweet” taking over more and more space. Before I knew it D was sleeping through the night, we were bonding, the sun was shining and I was on top of the world with my boy.

Where I live we get a year of maternity leave, for which I am so grateful. D and I spent our days walking, playing, shopping and seeing family and friends – life was good. Unfortunately that year went by so fast, and before I knew it I was going back to work and my baby was going to start daycare. This killed me – after all, he was just a baby and I had to leave him all day, every day in the care of relative strangers. To say I was an emotional, guilt-ridden wreck is an understatement. I was so torn up that I even wrote him a gushy sentimental letter that I may or may not give him when he’s older. But, with time, we survived the separation and we thrived. D began to acquire some independence and I enjoyed the mental stimulation and social interaction that working affords.

It was hard, but I was able to let my baby go because I felt so comfortable with where he would be spending his days. It was such a relief to know that he would be really well taken care of from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., even if it wasn’t by mommy.

So, merci to his teachers throughout his 4 years at Les petits mousses, Lucie, Mihaela, Marie-Ève, Julie. Merci to all of you for making my baby’s home away from home so warm and welcoming and special. Thank you for teaching him compassion and how to express himself and assert himself. Thank you for taking my shy little boy and helping him gain confidence and self-esteem. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. These lessons are important and I know he’ll carry them with him forever.

This is the card I made for D’s teacher Lucie. I worked really hard on this card and spent a lot of time and care to make it perfect. The image is from Tiddly Inks, and it’s called Hi There. Hope you like it.

Hi There

EBee xox 


My good friend, Nadia recently got a new cat named Bentley. He’s adorable, with gray and black stripes and the sweetest little face. When we sit out on Nadia’s front steps watching the kids play (she has a 9-year-old daughter who has tons of cars and trucks and my boys just adore playing with her), Bentley climbs up the screen in the front window and cries for her to bring him outside. It’s really very cute, and usually Nadia (who would like us all to think she’s tough, but is actually just a softie), brings him outside to play.

Well, Nadia had a birthday recently and I made her this pretty card that honours both her birthday and her love of Bentley. The image is called Hannah and it’s from Saturated Canary. Not sure I did Bentley justice, but I still think it’s purrrfect for her 😉


EBee xox 

Just Breathe

Life is hard right now and I’m having a difficult time. Not easy to admit, but there it is. You see, over a week ago my dad went into the hospital for something relatively harmless (he broke his arm – painful yes, life threatening, no). But he has been in cardiac intensive care ever since because of newly discovered, relatively serious health problems. Add to this an insane workload, a computer crash and the regular craziness of my life and I think it’s fair to admit that things have gotten stressful.

Not one to take myself too seriously though, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself – these things happen, no foul in admitting it, but I’m trying to keep my sense of humour intact and my priorities straight. Priority 1 – making sure my kids are fed, rested and (relatively) clean. Priority 2 – making sure I see/talk to my dad as much as I can, given that I have two little kids and a full time job. Priority 3 – making sure my mom is ok and not alone. Priority 4 – saying hello to my husband at least once a day. Priority 5 – everything else. Oh yes, and priority 6 (hey, at least it’s on the list) – taking care of me. What does this mean? It means continuing with my yoga practice despite a busier schedule. It means eating lots of fruits and veggies, despite the fact that we’re eating out more because of the craziness going on. It means getting a decent amount of sleep even though there don’t seem to be enough hours in the day. It means taking a lot of deep breaths when I’m stressed or upset, which is often when someone you love is sick. It means not beating myself up because I can’t be at the hospital every day and I can’t cook supper every day and I can’t work 60 hours/week, or even 45. It also means not feeling stressed because I haven’t coloured or blogged in about a month. These things happen and when they do some things have to get put on the back burner – even things you love.

But, I know that this is temporary and I know that my dad will be ok, my computer will be fixed and things will go back to normal, whatever that is – well, work will still be crazy, but I like it that way.

Here is an image I coloured a couple of weeks before the proverbial shit hit the fan. Her name is Miss Mirabelle, again by Hannah Lynn. I think she’s the funkiest thing ever and I love how she turned out. She looks strong to me and I think that’s one of the things I’ve learned about myself throughout this crappy situation – I’m resilient and strong and I will get through this, no problem 😉

Miss Mirabelle_wm

Skin: E000, E00, E11, R20, C2, C00

Hair: B12, B14, B16, B18, C2, C5, C7, C9

Cltothes: BV000, BV02, BV04, BV17, V05, V06, V09

Wings: A crapload of colours

EBee xox

Dare (not) to Compare

I’ve started taking Yoga again and I’m really glad I did. Not only is it a way for me to get some activity into my life but I truly believe in its meditative benefits. A dedicated and consistent Yoga practice can teach us the importance of staying in the present moment, and can take us on a journey of self-discovery and healing.

One of my favourite things about practicing Yoga is that it has a tendency to permeate the rest of my life. For example, it helps me to better manage my stress and clear my mind, it helps me sleep better and it helps me to stay in the here and now. Possibly my favourite benefit though, is the non-competitiveness of the practice. As any good Yoga teacher will remind you, it is not about what your neighbour is doing on his/her mat that is important, your focus should remain on your intention and on your own personal practice. Judgment has no place in yoga and for so many of us women that is a lesson we can take with us to many places in our lives.

Don’t get me wrong – while I’m not totally against a little healthy competition and in fact I feel that it has its place in the world (certain sports, business, games…), I don’t think that it belongs anywhere near our body-image.

Of course I have a reason for this little rant – last night during my Yoga class, in the moments before we began, I overheard three (beautiful) women discussing their bodies and the gripes they had with them. They then began discussing the fact that at least they weren’t as bad as some, and how sometimes going to the beach is good for morale because at least you can see how others are much worse than you.

At first I got angry because I’m not a small girl and tend to get sensitive about these things. And then I felt sad. Sad because these women are not so different from me and sad because this conversation reminded me that we all too often derive our sense of self-worth through our jean size and through how we “stack-up” to other women. And then I remembered how contrary this discourse is to the teachings of Yoga to be non-judgmental, stay in the present and focus on your own practice. So perhaps this conversation had a lesson in it for me. The lesson being that I don’t need to define myself based on how I compare to others or what size is written on my jeans. And that became my intention for last night’s practice – no judgment.

I don’t really have a Yogic image to go with this post, but given my experience I thought it would be fun to post this Hannah Lynn image. I coloured her using some less conventional hair colours and I think she looks awesome. I would never have the courage to go purple and pink myself, but obviously this little character (Hannah) is full of self-confidence and doesn’t give a flying duck what anyone thinks and she rocks it.

Hannah Night_1_wm

Skin: E000, E00, E11, R20

Hair: BV04, BV13, BV17, R05, R06, R09

Top: B01, B05, B07, B09

Eyes/Tail: YG21, YG23, YG25

Namasté and thanks for stopping by.

EBee xox

Hannah by D

I’m a good mom I think. Sometimes I’m not so sure, because hey, I want to be perfect, but when I have my head based in reality I realize that like most moms, I do my best and that is enough.

Do I crawl around on the floor with my kids at every opportunity or do crafts with them on the weekend? Ha! Do I treat them with loving patience all the time? Nope. Do I feed them only organic, plant-based, health-food? Not once. Do I love them? Absolutely. Are they happy, healthy, energetic boys who love their mama? Yes!

The point is, and this is a hot topic right now, it’s not about being a perfect mom, but a “good enough” mom. Like so many moms I’m really hard on myself, but heck! I work full time, I have a house to take care of and I have interests and hobbies (that get done really late at night!). So I can’t be there for my kids ALL the time. Nor do I have an endless supply of energy at my disposal. But I do what I can with what I have, which really is all we can ask of ourselves. So when I can, I get down on the floor and I take a lot of deep breaths when I feel my patience slipping (sometimes I hold on, sometimes I scream like a banshee). My kids get lots of fruits & veggies and tons of love.

And I try to bring them into my world. So sometimes when the little one is napping I will ask D (he’s 4.5) if he wants to colour with mommy. His eyes light up and he always wisely repeats the key message – “yes, but I have to be very careful with mommy’s markers”. And it’s usually a wonderful, creative time for us (although it takes him FOREVER to pick what he wants to colour and he ALWAYS wants the marker I’m using! Lol). Most importantly it’s time spent together and in our busy lives, that really is the best gift possible.

Here’s a pic of what D coloured last weekend. It’s Hannah, by Hannah Lynn and I think it’s amazing. He’s very talented and that’s not just my mommy bias.

Hannah by D_wm

Have a wonderful weekend and thanks for stopping by.

EBee xox